What do parents of successful swimmers do?
Acheevmo.com recently got a chance to speak with Robin Vanderkaay to discuss the way she and her husband Mark raised four successful swimmers. Their children, Christian, Peter, Alex, and Dane, all qualified and swam at the 2008 US Olympic Swimming Trials. Peter Vanderkaay competed in the 2004 and 2008 Olympic Games winning medals at both Olympics.
Interview:
Acheevmo: When did the boys start?
Robin: They started swimming as toddlers in the local pool. Mark and I had been swimmers growing up, so a fun family activity was going to the pool with the kids. When the boys were old enough (Christian 8, Peter 6, Alex 4) we enrolled them into a swimming club where they swam two nights a week. Dane was still a toddler so he was just along for the ride at that point.
Acheevmo: What advice would you give to parents who are just starting out?
Robin: I would suggest keeping it light and enjoyable. Make sure that the kids have some enjoyment right away. One way to do this is to start the kids during summer time as the clubs are a little bit more social then and you have great weather too. Another way to do this is to carpool with friends and their kids. This way the kids get to be with their friends in a new exciting activity. Also, go to the pool with them and have fun.
Acheevmo: Did the boys participate in other sports and when did they make a commitment to swimming?
Robin: They all played different sports growing up but they focused on swimming, soccer, and baseball. Christian and Peter played competitive soccer until they were in 7th grade while Alex and Dane played Federation Baseball until they were in 8th grade. When the swimming coaches started to ask for more commitment Mark and I did not put any pressure on the boys to choose a sport as we wanted each of them to do the sport for themselves not for us. The coaches helped by giving them a realistic perspective on the time commitment needed to succeed. We were very lucky to work with a strong caring coach like Jeff Cooper, the Oakland Live Y’ers head coach.
Acheevmo: How did you work on achieving the right balance for your children in regards to swimming, school, family, and social life?
Robin: Balance is always a tricky thing when you have children and especially more so when you have four of them. Luckily, as they all liked swimming it was a bit easier. There were points when Dane would go into the car seat and Mark or I would have to take the kids to three different practices at three different times to three different pools. Some nights we would just say: alright, family night. We’d get crayons out and hang out with the kids and not go to practice. We made sure there was family and friend time. The most important thing was providing a nurturing structure. If the kids had morning practice then they had to go to bed earlier, if there was a meet that weekend then they needed to get rest during the week, if they had Saturday practice, then they had to hang out with their friends a bit less on Friday nights. It taught them accountability and how their choices affected their results. It setup a healthy environment that they’ve been able to maintain and follow all of their lives.
Acheevmo: Was there any point when you needed to push your children along?
Robin: We never pushed them to do better or said things like “you have to go to practice because that way you will swim faster.” We focused on the commitment they had made to themselves, to us, and to their coaches. We stressed that they should stand by their commitments. If they wanted to change their mind in the middle of a season about the commitment, we would listen to their concerns and tell them that they had to stand by their decisions and then at the end of the season we could re-evaluate. Their coach Jeff Cooper was very good at handling this and spoke with all of the kids and helped them keep a perspective and a commitment to swimming.
Acheevmo: How did you setup a successful home environment for your kids?
Robin: As parents, Mark and I were there to make sure that swimming was enjoyable and fun for the kids. Swimming is a very hard sport to excel in, so you need to make sure you are doing it because it is fun. We helped them by being consistent with the structure of our family life outside of swimming so there could be some downtime. We nurtured them to make sure they made their own decisions and kept their promises to themselves, us and to their coaches.
Acheevmo: How did you work together with the coaches?
Robin: We had the boys speak with the coaches about the decision to consistently train in swimming and what types of commitments were right for boys in terms of practices. Jeff Cooper was very good with our kids and had great ideas on how to encourage them and support them without putting too much pressure on them. We trusted Jeff to do his job and we, as parents, focused on making sure the boys enjoyed themselves and kept a healthy perspective on meets and the sport.
Acheevmo: What were some sacrifices you made in order to help your children succeed?
Robin: The two biggest sacrifices were time and money. Mainly it was the time to take the kids to morning, afternoon, and weekend practices as well as going to two/three day swimming meets. As the kids grew older our time commitment increased to covering family downtime as well. Our vacations and family outings started to revolve around swimming. Not only did we as parents have to make some sacrifices, our kids did as well. For instance, Dane, our youngest, missed his senior year high school trip because it was two weeks before an important swimming competition. It made it easier that we are all on board with what we were doing and that it was enjoyable for everyone.
Acheevmo: What changed about parenting as the children got older and more successful in swimming?
Robin: As we had already established a structure of consistency and fun in swimming, not much changed there for us. What did change for us as parents was struggling to not get caught up in the expectations for high school state meets, Junior and Senior National Championships, Olympic Trials, and the Olympics. Sometimes it’s hard as a parent to keep perspective and stay grounded when other people are telling you things about your own children. You have to remember they are kids and are still growing up. It’s a struggle because the kids are swimming for themselves, so you want to make sure you provide some perspective both during the successes and the struggles.
Acheevmo: In closing, what were your greatest rewards as a parent of swimmers?
Robin: This might sound a little cheesy, but the greatest rewards were seeing the boys’ smiles after they had put in so much hard work and achieved their goals. Swimming meets are all the same from state meet qualifiers to the Olympics. Swimming is great because it teaches you one of the most important life lessons – work hard for your goals because you enjoy the process not because someone else is pressuring you to do it. Put in the hard work and it will lead you somewhere. The smile on their faces when they get out of the pool after a race is the greatest reward for Mark and I as parents.
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Acheevmo.com would like to thank Robin and Mark Vanderkaay, as well as their children Christian, Peter, Alex, and Dane for their time and help.